Allow me to introduce the use of a revolutionary idea,
Simplicity at its best is a building block for happiness.
Blacks and whites will suffice for games of dominos and dice
But spectrums of simplicity provide the best advice for life.
Light a candle in the bath,
Feel the thunder, feel the wrath
Take a shot of top shelf liqueur,
Get new shoes, you'll run much quicker,
Fill your pen up with ink, let it write while you think,
Ride your bike in a summer storm
Remember every rose has a thorn
Feel the sand beneath your feet
Confess your love, don't be discrete.
The present is built upon the past,
Future lurks around the corner.
Embrace your time before its passed,
Be satisfied at the coroner .
I'm loving this, the second stanza seems a bit more casual than the rest but I'm impressed with where you took this. In class I had no idea what a revolutionary idea could be and it looks like you've had fun thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is great. I'm also with Katie, I wasn't sure what a revolutionary idea could have been. I really liked the second line about simplicity at its best is a building block for happiness. This was very clever!
ReplyDeleteSo much good here!
ReplyDeleteKatie is right, though, about the casual turn. I'd say you need to read the first stanza and then the second and decide which tone you'd like to proceed with. The first is wise, maybe even somber, and full of advice.
The rest is jaunty, happy, but perhaps a little greeting-cardish at times.
My favorite individual lines:
Simply Revolutionary
Allow me to introduce the use of a revolutionary idea,
Simplicity at its best is a building block for happiness.
Blacks and whites will suffice for games of dominos and dice
[I think the fourth line of this stanza needs to be clearer]
Light a candle in the bath,
Feel the thunder, feel the wrath
Fill your pen up with ink, let it write while you think,
Ride your bike in a summer storm
Confess your love, don't be discrete.
Be satisfied at the coroner .
By the end, are you not falling into a kind of canned simplicity, a "carpe diem" moral that's not particularly revolutionary?
Quick game. Imagine you probably have 60 years left to live and 180 points to spread out over those 60 years. Using 1 point a year means you're having a difficult time. 3 means you're okay. 4 is content. 5 is ecstatic.
How would you spread those points out? If you have to seize the day, how would you spread those points out.
Ellen's here so I have to go!