Telephone rings, a ghost from the past,
Pleasant surprise or roll of my eyes?
Sweet words re-heard, a new spell could cast.
Honeysuckled "Hellos" arise from a flask
Old players, new games, a man in disguise.
Telephone rings, a ghost from the past
How've you been, these years go by so fast
Think of sunrise, apple pies and fireflies
Sweet words re-heard, a new spell could cast
Recall I can, but with some contrast,
I see red eyes, bad lies and horseflies.
Telephone rings, a ghost from the past
His soul sounds old, age comes on too fast
Nostalgia espies, should I deny?
Sweet words re-heard, a new spell could cast
Telephone rings a ghost from the past
I sigh, with closed eyes, a fatal try,
Finally, say a final goodbye
Sweet words re-heard, a new spell could cast.
I really like this poem. I think it definitely evokes a certain bitterness, but at the same time, shows the fondness once held towards this person. I like the contrast of the lines "How've you been, these years go by so fast/Think of sunrise, apple pies and fireflies," and "Recall I can, but with some contrast/ I see red eyes, bad lies and horseflies." There is a really nice window into both peoples' heads here. He asks her to remember all the good things, she says there's nothing good to remember. It's a neat way to look at this relationship.
ReplyDeleteYep. This is something. I love the move from what he remembers to what you remember, and the villanelle is a perfect form for a poem about recurrence.
ReplyDeleteThe end gets a little jumbled, some of the rhymes stretch, and all could be more precise, but this is a very strong draft. Keep working on it.
DW