I check the roadmap then reply;
Right on Railside, left on Levi,
Straight away 'till Sunday Street.
Shotgun seat cant miss a beat!
Omaha to Opelika,
Pitstop in Tennessee.
Tupelo to Tucumcari,
Gas-up in Muskogee.
Always know just where you're at
"You are here" right on the map.
If you find you're in a bind,
Remember clouds are silver lined.
My family is a driving family. We always had a big car that fit all of us, all of our stuff and always drove to every vacation. I have very vivid memories of reading maps, highways signs and roadside attractions while being enamored by the names of towns, streets and states. Today I am still a big fan of long car rides and I still love reading roadmaps front to back.
I really enjoyed your rhymes! The poem made sense even without the little story at the bottom which is great!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Andrea's statement about the rhymes. They were fun and cute! This was a fun poem for sure!
ReplyDeleteThe rhymes here are light and have a really great flow and rhythm to them, and the idea is conveyed really well. nice job, cute poem.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really cute poem. I enjoyed reading it. I love "If you find you're in a bind,Remember clouds are silver lined". I might make it my Facebook status haha.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Andrea. The poem was clear and had a good rhythm to it!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is definitely nostalgic, I like how you wrote it kind of similar to that song in the video you posted. Not sure if you did that on purpose though
ReplyDeleteEmily, this is a wonderful early draft. I agree with your classmates (though I dearly wish they'd offer some specific suggestions!).
ReplyDeleteHere are mine. Read the second stanza to yourself. It's bluesy. It's better than cute, better than just cute rhymes. There's something more that you can pull from that sound. It's beat. Better than the punchlines of lines 4 and 12 (which are fine, but seem somehow less roughed-up than the other language does).
Also, think about moving out the rhyme scheme sometime. And think about extending this poem substantially. Give me some of the story in the actual poem. Smells, sights, sounds--specific images about your family, your car, and these somewhat mythical towns we're so ready to be introduced to.